1 John 4:19-21
We love him, because he first loved us. If a man say, I love God, and hateth his brother, he is a liar: for he that loveth not his brother whom he hath seen, how can he love God whom he hath not seen? And this commandment have we from him, That he who loveth God love his brother also.
John ends this section by taking us right back to the beginning. We love him, because he first loved us. That is where it all starts. Not with our devotion. Not with our consistency. Not with our sincerity. It starts with His love.
I like that, because it keeps the whole thing honest.
If love begins with me, I am in trouble. My love runs hot and cold. My love can be moody. My love can get bruised, offended, tired, and selfish. But if love begins with Him, then there is hope for me. His love is the fountain. Mine is only the response.
And John makes this very practical. He says if a man claims to love God while hating his brother, he is lying. That is strong language, but it needs to be strong, because we are experts at hiding behind spiritual talk. We can say, “I love the Lord,” while quietly nursing bitterness against someone right in front of us. John says that does not work. You cannot hate the brother you have seen and still pretend you are deeply loving the God you have not seen.
You need to see this.
Forgiveness does not have to begin with a feeling. In fact, it usually does not. Forgiveness is a decision. It is a choice to release a person from the debt you feel they owe you. It is a choice to stop replaying the injury as your private courtroom. It is a choice to say, “Lord, I place this person in Your hands. I will not keep feeding this grudge.”
The feelings may lag behind for a while. Sometimes they do. But if the decision is made before the Lord, the feelings often follow in due season. That is why forgiveness is possible even when affection is not yet fully restored. One is a matter of obedience. The other may take time.
So who can forgive like that?
Only the person who is living in love. And who is living in love? The one who realizes he is a sinner and a failure too, yet has been treated with astonishing goodness by God. The one who knows, “I have been forgiven much.” The one who has stood at the cross long enough to stop thinking of himself as the exception case who must be repaid by everyone else.
Think about that.
When I lose sight of God’s mercy to me, I become severe with others. Their faults get bigger. Their words get sharper. Their offenses feel less excusable. But when I remember how patient God has been with me, how many times He has forgiven me, how often He has restored me, then I start losing my appetite for bitterness. I begin to realize I have no reasonable option but to love my brother also.
That is John’s point. Love for God is not proven by volume. It is proven by direction. Does His love move through me toward other people? Do I make the decision to forgive? Do I refuse to hate? Do I surrender the injury to the Lord instead of building a shrine around it?
This commandment is not heavy when seen rightly. It is simply the overflow of grace. We love because He first loved us. We forgive because we have been forgiven. We choose mercy because mercy has been shown to us.
Beloved, the man who knows he was loved first will find strength to love next. And the one who has really received the goodness of God will find that he cannot cling forever to hatred without resisting the very love he claims to know.